Tuesday, April 17, 2012

on the edge of living -part 2

Today I have my pout on.  I’m 43 years old, but I can scowl my eyes, pinch my lips together, and huff through my nose like the most obstinate 2-year-old. 

God stands in front of me, bent down eye-to-eye, telling me from his word exactly what he wants to do.   

And I do. not. want. to. do. it.   Hmmmmph. 

It’s something that I feel like a failure at.  Something that scares me.  Something I don’t think I can do. 

(Don’t you want to know what it is?  I’m not going to tell you.  Because if I say it out loud then I’m really going to have to do it.  Aaaaaggggghhhh!) 

Here I stand, on the very edge of obedience, wanting to go for it with all my heart but feeling overwhelmed and ignorant and afraid.  On the edge of living the life God wants me to live.  Experiencing a deep desire to obey because I love him but struggling with the difficulty of it. 

Like the broccoli I used to hide under my plate, hoping mom wouldn’t notice and then I could just offer to clear the table.  Like she couldn’t figure that one out.  Trying to hide this command from God and hoping he won’t notice I didn’t do it. 

I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.”  (Psalm 119:60  NIV) 

God will not look away.  He just keeps staring me in the eyes and telling me what he wants me to do. 

To quote Winnie the Pooh, “Oh bother.” 

I’m just gonna have to do it.

Misery loves company.  Anyone else out there struggling to do what you know God is telling you to do?

No comments:

Post a Comment