Monday, October 31, 2011

a better mirror

I have this beautiful dress my mom bought me several years ago. It's a little form fitting, though, and for the last three winters I've pulled it over my head and then pulled it right back off after looking in the mirror at my 40-something mommy pooch -yuck. This winter I pulled it out and gave it another try since I've been working out. Well, mommy pooch is still there, but I decided to give it a go. Church only lasted for a couple of hours, and I thought surely I could suck it in for that long! I was standing in the church hallway by myself, taking a break from sucking it in, when a mom walked through the door holding the hand of her adorable daughter who was maybe three years old. I was admiring the beauty of this child as she walked by me, when all of a sudden she turned her head back to me and said, "Cute skirt!" Her comment seemed to make my abs feel smaller. Maybe I'll just skip the mirror next Sunday.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

powerful spiritual words

Almost 10 years ago insomnia introduced itself to me. I used to sleep solid all night, and then one day I woke up early, really early, and couldn't go back to sleep. It became a regular part of my life.
For a few years I writhed and cried and moaned and called out to God in the night, begging Him to help me go back to sleep. Angry and frustrated, I added emotional misery to physical fatigue.
One night I changed my response to being awake.
I still go through cycles of insomnia (got about four hours of sleep last night), but now instead of groping for a pair of boxing gloves to have it out with God, I have two words -okay, Lord. If He's not taking the insomnia from me (which I know He can), then He must be offering it to me.
I lay in bed and pray now, but it's not an angry lashing out -it's a service to people who weigh on my heart -a strange wee-hour vigil I keep, praying for people who are hurting or who need courage, praying for my kids and my husband, praying for those who are in need and those who grieve.
Okay, Lord.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

To my daughter

Dear Jayme, this blog exists because you believe in me. You promised me if I would write you would read it. See how all grown up I am that I created this all by myself? Thanks for always encouraging me to follow my dreams.
(Um, that seems a little backward -like you should be writing those kinds of things to me. But we all know you're the mature one in the house.)