uncomfortable

Life is very uncomfortable right now.  My job just got cut in half, and gas prices are going up.  I believe God wants me to pursue writing, but I don’t know what I’m doing or where my efforts will end up.  My firstborn graduates this year.  An overwhelming amount of change in a short time.  Uncertain future no matter which way I turn. 

I’ve been memorizing Jesus’ words from Matthew 18:1-4.  “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’  He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And he said:  ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’” 

Unless you change. 

Tonight I will stand in front of 70 squirming grade school children and teach these words.  The girls hug me and tell me they like the shirt I’m wearing as they come in the door.  The boys come in loud and give me a fling of the head as a hello. 

Unless I change. 

Girls braiding each other’s hair.  Boys playing with whatever is in their hands.  I tell them stories about who God is. 

Unless I change.   

No one in this room is worried about gas prices or what job they’ll have when they grow up.  They’re not anxious about college tuition rates or the future of the economy.  They just want to know if I’m going to tell a good story tonight and how much longer till recreation.  They want me to know it was their birthday yesterday and that their friend is having a sleepover on Friday.   

They go and do what they’re told without giving it much thought, and they’re mostly concerned about having fun in the moment.   

I find myself saying, “Really, Lord?  It’s okay for me to trust you with all the grown-up stuff and I can just enjoy right now?”  This is one command that seems a little too good to be true.  Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to obey.