Tuesday, November 29, 2011

strange gift

I wake up almost every morning remembering the things I did wrong from the day before. They wait in line and present themselves to me one at a time. This morning it was my attitude at a meeting. Why wasn't I more humble? Why didn't I acknowledge someone else's idea with more respect? Why did I push so hard to be heard? My first feeling in the morning is usually remorse, and my first prayer in the morning is usually, "Sorry, Lord." Several years ago I found my guilt growing to an unbearable place. I wondered if I was becoming a more horrid person every day. Then I had an experience when I was driving in my car, and I felt God say to me that I was not becoming a more sinful, horrid person. I was just becoming more aware of my sin the closer I got to Him. God is so perfect, and as I get to know Him better I see myself more clearly in comparison. John MacArthur says, "Guilt is a gift of God." I will never enjoy thinking of my shortcomings, but I'm learning that to become the person God wants me to be I have to be willing to look at the dirt before He and I can begin to clean it out of my life. I'm glad He cares.

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