When I was in high school I felt far from God. I had chosen to follow him when I was young, but as I walked away from my baptism in a cold Wyoming river at the age of 8, I remember thinking, “This is it?” I felt deeply disappointed that I didn’t have a profound internal experience.
Almost a decade later I sat in a high school science class, glazing over at a lecture on cell division. It was my own soul that was divided, partly committed to following God and partly doubting if he was even real.
“Lord, if you’re real I want to know it –to really feel it deep inside.” A desperate prayer that changed everything.
The following summer I went to church camp and took an afternoon class about how to have a “quiet time”. As I sat on the grass in a beautiful garden, I learned how to pray and read my Bible and spend time with God.
When I got home from camp I tried it -spending time with God. Boring drudgery! I pushed through my first attempt that seemed to last forever and was shocked to see only a few minutes of time had passed.
Day after day of drudgery. Praying to someone who didn’t seem real.
But something was happening. Slowly I got to know God. Sometimes I would read the Bible and it would seem personal –really personal. Sometimes I would pray about something specific and would get an answer to my prayer. Amazing. I began to experience God interacting with my life.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)
I hadn’t realized he had been waiting for me to spend time with him.
Now every waking moment is a quiet time, and I’ve never been so confident that God is real.