Tuesday, January 24, 2012

impossible day

My son has been playing a city-building app on his iPod.  He was bragging last night that he used dynamite to blow a hole in the ground, and then he filled the entire base of the city with trampolines.  (I think this child needs more chores to do.)  He proudly showed me how he was building the walls of his city brick by brick.

Today I’ve got my own wall. 

Brick upon brick of things that must be done.  “Mom, can you have my laundry done before school tomorrow?”  A meeting at 3:00 where I’ll receive more work.  Clumps of toothpaste that need chiseled from my bathroom sink.  Medical reports to type.  An Awana lesson to write for tomorrow night that I’ve barely given thought to.  The bank statement needs balanced.  And these people I live with are going to want to eat dinner tonight… again.

I stand in front of the bricks and look up, and I can’t even see where they stop.  It makes me want to slump down on the ground and give up before I’ve even made an attempt to begin.

Psalm 18:29 says, “…with my God I can scale a wall.”

I got down on my knees and laid my head on my prayer bench this morning.  All I could do was sigh and say, “Lord, I can’t do all of this.  I can’t.”  And then I remembered to throw all of that anxiety into his arms.  All of the tasks.  “I can’t do it” has become one of my favorite places to be -getting to the very, very end of myself and feeling that sweet dependence on the Lord.  I can’t means only he can. 

I use my imagination to picture God standing in front of my wall.  Interlocking his fingers.  Bending His knees.  And I place my foot in his hands –push my weight against them a bit to make sure I have a solid foothold.  Rest my hand on his shoulder for support.  And I know I’m about to get hoisted over this wall today. 

1 comment:

  1. I kept waiting for you to say that you were going to jump through your day like you were on a trampoline. :) Good stuff!