try talking to God like this

I spent seven years in Texas, and one thing I noticed very quickly that contrasted with my experience growing up in Wyoming was the way young people addressed those in authority. 

Yes M’am.  No M’am. 

Yes sir.  No sir. 

(Can you use your imagination to hear a little drawl in there?) 

My new Texas friends told me how it was a whoopin’ offense when they were growing up, if they ever got caught answering anything but m’am or sir. 

I tried to get my kids to talk like that to adults up here in Montana, but it was ridiculously out of place, so I finally gave up. 

I have succeeded in training myself to talk to God like this, though.  When the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart and tells me to do something, I’ve been answering, Yes sir.  (And I do say it with a Texas drawl.  It’s just not the same without the drawl.)  

In Malachi 1:6 the Lord says to his people, “If I am a master, where is the respect due me?” 

Do you talk to the Lord with a yeah or a yes sir?  It makes a difference.

five practical ways to respond to criticism

Yesterday I posted a blog about criticism, and four hours later I received some.   

The criticism felt like a kick in the gut.  My first response was to cry and feel sorry for myself, but I stopped the emotional reaction and did these five things instead: 

1.     I considered the source.  I asked myself, Is this person criticizing me from a place of love and concern, or is this person just critical in general?  I think maybe both were a little bit true in this case. 

2.     I asked God if the person’s criticism was true.  I have a friend who he is a youth pastor, and he receives criticism often for how he does ministry.  He always stops and considers whether the person is correct or not.  If the person is correct, then my friend takes the criticism to heart and tries to make the necessary changes or apologies necessary.  If the criticism is false, he sets it aside.  

After a talk with God yesterday, I felt a chunk of this person’s criticism of me was unfounded, but I did see that some of what he said was true, and I’ll keep that in mind the next time I do this ministry task. 

3.     I refused to give up.  My gut reaction was to say, Well fine, I’ll just quit this ministry!!  Discouragement, humiliation, and insecurity just about knocked me over, but with rational thinking I realized I do have a positive influence in this area of ministry, so I refuse to let a criticism derail me. 

4.     I remembered criticism came because I took a risk to serve.  People who don’t lead or teach or minister never get criticized for leading or teaching or ministering.  I reminded myself that if I’m going to take a risk to put myself out there and walk in obedience to God, I’m going to have critics (Jesus did!)  Sometimes the critics will be right, because I’m a flawed, weak, sinful person doing ministry.  Sometimes they’ll be wrong, and I’ll have to let the criticism go like water off a duck’s back. 

5.     I thanked God for the criticism.  Paul says, “Give thanks in all circumstances.”  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)  So I did.  This criticism will build my perseverance and maturity, will sharpen my ministry skill, and will help me remember what it feels like to be criticized next time I feel like criticizing someone.  That’s a lot to be thankful for. 

I heard a pastor say that criticism is neutral.  It just sits there and does nothing except for what we choose to do with it.  It can crush us, or we can use it as a tool to become a better person.  (Listen to that intriguing sermon here:  http://www.northpoint.org/messages/climate-change/part-1)

I’m sorry if someone has criticized you.  It hurts, and I know exactly how you feel. 

How will you respond, though?

criticism, gotta love it

Two towers of boxes, from floor to ceiling in the storage unit.  That was my daughter’s clothing from birth to age three.  She was the first granddaughter on both sides, so perhaps she was a little spoiled.  Perhaps. 

I was telling my friend about all of these clothes, and he said, “Why do you still have all of those?”   

“Well, I don’t know.  Just hangin’ onto them” I said. 

He looked me in the eye and said, “You’re hoarding.” 

His words were a slap.

He was right.  My husband and I were done having kids, and I just couldn’t bear to part with all those ruffles and memories. 

My friend’s words burrowed deep, and I couldn’t escape them.   

A few days later I pulled out a few favorite items and gave the rest of the clothing away to friends who needed the hand-me-downs.  Several years later I talked to one friend who had several daughters.  She said all of her girls had worn and were still wearing those clothes, and she was so thankful I had shared. 

Proverbs 23:9 (NIV) says, “Don’t speak to a fool, for he will despise the insight of your words.” 

I appreciate that my friend spoke words of criticism to me.  I’m glad I listened to his insight and gave instead of hoarding.  I don’t want to be a fool.  I hope I’m never too proud and stubborn to accept a hard word and allow it to change me, even if hearing the word stings for a bit. 

How do you respond to constructive criticism?

a note to worn-out moms

When I was puking up Chinese stir fry in my third trimester, I wish I would have been able to picture her receiving the principal’s scholarship. 

When I fed her breakfast, washed the highchair tray, fed her a morning snack, washed the highchair tray, fed her lunch, washed the highchair tray, fed her an afternoon snack, washed the highchair tray, fed her dinner, washed the highchair tray, fed her an evening snack, washed the highchair tray…I wish I would have been able to know how it would feel when she sat down me and her dad to tell us she received the four-year, full-tuition scholarship. 

When I spanked her in the car because she opened up stickers after I told her not to touch anything in the store, I wish I would have been able to picture her hanging the green chord for summa cum laude around her neck. 

When I took her to school and then got home and then went back to school with her PE uniform, I wish I would have been able to know how proud I would feel when she took the diploma with one hand and shook with the other. 

I say to you, tired mom –I wish you could know what it’s going to be like when you get to graduation day. 

Every diaper changed, every book read, every single moment of discipline handed out, every lunch packed, every mention of God…it’s all going to be worth it. 

GPA is cumulative.  It took my little girl assignment after assignment, quarter after quarter, semester after semester, year after year.  It all had to add up for her to wear the green chord. 

It’s just like that for moms.  All the little acts of teaching, loving, cuddling, disciplining, praying –they all add up.  And one day, if you stick with it, you’re going to sit proud like I did this weekend.  One day you’re going to love who your child has become. 

You’ll hold a little personal ceremony in your soul and say to yourself, Wow, I did it.  I raised a child.   

Don’t give up, worn-out mom.  It’s so gonna be worth it.

the most powerful thing a man can do for a woman

I have coffee breath. 

I don’t care, he says. 

I haven’t showered. 

I don’t care, he says. 

I haven’t shaved my legs for four days. 

I don’t care, he says and pulls me close.  You’re beautiful.  And when I look straight into his eyes I believe he actually means it, for real.  He thinks I’m beautiful just like this. 

Today is our 21^st wedding anniversary, and this is the powerful thing my man has done for two decades –accepting me and pulling me close, even when anyone else would think I’m disgusting. 

Every single day looking at me like I'm this beautiful.

In Sunday morning Bible study the man sitting behind me says out loud, Isn’t it amazing that God’s Spirit comes to live inside us.  And stays. 

God stays –keeps loving through the coffee breath, no-shower, furry leg days.  

“But God demonstrates his own love toward us in this.  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  (Romans 5:8)   

In fact, the more anniversaries I celebrate in relationship with God, the more I realize it’s when I’m the most disgusting that God pulls me the closest and whispers soothing love and grace to my I feel ugly inside heart. 

Do you know that God loves you?