standing room only

I grew up playing the piano, and my favorite Christian composer/performer was Dino. I owned every piano book and cassette tape (I know) he ever created. Dozens of hours I spent at the piano trying to perfect his extremely difficult pieces. I even won a high school talent contest with one of them! Stars of Tomorrow in Lander, Wyoming -perhaps you've heard of it? When I was in college in Texas I heard he was going to be performing at a local church, so I immediately got tickets and couldn't wait for that night. When I arrived it was to a packed house. Every seat was full, and it was standing room only. I didn't even care. I was so excited to hear him perform, even if I could barely see him from the back. Just before the concert began there was a change, though. Someone came to the back and spoke to a few of us who were standing. He said, "Follow me. I have a seat for you." I followed -all the way down the aisle. ALL the way down the aisle. Up the stairs. Onto the stage. Into a choir chair. And I sat. Close enough to Dino I could have reached out and added a duet part as he performed. When I think of that night what I remember is that I got so close. My experience is the same with God. I slink into the back with forgiveness as my ticket, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor in the darkness. It's okay if I can't even seen him -I'm happy just to be in the same room. But then an escort to the stage and not just to watch but to join in duet. Ridiculous and so wonderful it makes me want to laugh out loud when I think about it. So close.

strange gift

I wake up almost every morning remembering the things I did wrong from the day before. They wait in line and present themselves to me one at a time. This morning it was my attitude at a meeting. Why wasn't I more humble? Why didn't I acknowledge someone else's idea with more respect? Why did I push so hard to be heard? My first feeling in the morning is usually remorse, and my first prayer in the morning is usually, "Sorry, Lord." Several years ago I found my guilt growing to an unbearable place. I wondered if I was becoming a more horrid person every day. Then I had an experience when I was driving in my car, and I felt God say to me that I was not becoming a more sinful, horrid person. I was just becoming more aware of my sin the closer I got to Him. God is so perfect, and as I get to know Him better I see myself more clearly in comparison. John MacArthur says, "Guilt is a gift of God." I will never enjoy thinking of my shortcomings, but I'm learning that to become the person God wants me to be I have to be willing to look at the dirt before He and I can begin to clean it out of my life. I'm glad He cares.

Monday comes.

I feel like all I do is wish for it to be another day than this one. If only it were Friday. If only it were Saturday. On Monday morning I need someone to give me spirit fingers and a cheer. You can do it! You can get out of bed! You can start your work-out routine again! You can do the 57 things on your to-do list! You can do five loads of laundry! But alas, there is no cheerleader. (Alas -used to express sadness, misery over loss, compassion, or apprehension of danger or evil.) When I open the Bible, though, it says the fruit of having God's Spirit bunking with mine is joy. Joy on a Monday? Instead of reaching out trying to grasp the weekend, I'm reaching out to grab joy today. I think all I have to do is believe the Spirit can make it exist out of the nothingness that is Monday. Wait a minute -maybe there is a cheer...leader. (I promise I won't say "Spirit fingers".)

spoiled

When I was a young woman I went home one Christmas. Dad told me to get in the truck, and we went downtown to buy a present for mom. We went to a store that had a little bit of everything -pretty glass, perfume, decorations, jewelry, etc. As we were looking for a gift for mom, dad said, "What do you want for Christmas?" I said, "I think mom has already bought all my presents." He said, "That's not what I asked." I was standing in front of a jewelry case, so I jokingly looked down and said, "How about that emerald ring? Of course, if you get me the ring, I should have the matching earrings, too." We both laughed and went on with our shopping. A few decades later I still wear those emeralds. Spoiled child. This week my dad asked me what I want for Christmas. By experience I know He gets annoyed if I ask for something too small. Jesus said that if not-so-perfect dads know how to give good gifts to their children, how much more will our Father in heaven give His Spirit to those who ask Him? Spoiled. Might as well get used to it and start asking big.

out of style

When I was growing up there was a woman at church who had a bee-hive hairdo, wore no make-up, and always dressed in an A-line skirt. As a teenager my aunt from Denver fed me the latest fashions (I was the first in town to wear leg warmers!), so I always felt sorry for this lady with the bee-hive hairdo. As a teenager I loved the Lord, hungered to understand the Bible, cared about missionaries, and enjoyed going to church. I was the weird one. The other teens my age at church didn't care about those things. While they tipped back in their chairs in Sunday school, I was bent over my Bible, straining to take in every word the teacher said. The woman with the bee-hive hairdo understood me. She often would see my loneliness and lack of fitting in, and quietly she would say, "Don't you worry about them. You're the one who cares about the right things." I just got a Christmas letter from her today, and I was thinking about how often she encouraged me toward being whom I am today -a pastor's wife who loves the Lord, hungers to understand the Bible, cares about missionaries, and enjoys going to church. Who cares about style.