breaking the 10th commandment

I was having a great day yesterday -working on a Bible study, doing fifteen billion loads of laundry (which I enjoy –that is sick), and enjoying some sunshine.   

Then I sat down at the computer and read a blog by a beautiful woman who has been a great encouragement to me as I attempt to write.  I scrolled through all these pictures of her doing something I have secretly dreamed of doing for years. 

Just like that I was coveting. 

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house.  You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”  (Exodus 20:17  NIV) 

Anything that belongs to my neighbor? 

I stood doing dishes trying to figure out what caused this ugly feeling to rise up in me, and I decided it is because of a secret worry that good things are scarce.  Worried that if she has that good opportunity then maybe there is nothing left for me.  Like God’s goodness is a lottery ticket -she had the lucky number, and that’s the end of the game for me. 

Is it possible that she can have an amazing opportunity to use the gift God has given her to influence the world.  And so can I?  

If I look over the fence and long for what my neighbor has, I might miss what God is backing onto my driveway.  God’s goodness in my own yard.  God’s plan for my own fruitful life.  Surely God’s goodness won’t run out right before he gets to my house.

intensive

My university offered intensive classes in between semesters where you could get an entire class credit in a very short time, going to one class every day, all day long, for two weeks. 

God offers these. 

My experience over three decades of walking with God is that every once in a while, when he wants to push me to do something new, he intensifies his teaching to focus on one thing. 

I’m enrolled in one of these classes right now.  If you were reading my blog posts from earlier this week, I shared with you that God has gotten in my face and asked me to start being obedient in one action.  I’m afraid to say it out loud to all of you, because that makes me even more accountable to obey.  Here it is, though, because several of you have been curious!   

God is teaching me to be bold in telling people about him. 

I have had an intense experience in the last several months where everything I read, everything I hear is all about the same thing –telling every person I can about the good news of God’s forgiveness.  Despite my close walk with God, I have serious fear and anxiety issues about talking to people about him.  That’s stupid, because I love him so much, so he is giving me a spiritual boot in the back side to get me to open my mouth and talk to people about his love. 

Anyway, that’s my own personal lesson.  The point is that sometimes God is ready to shove us forward in obedience, and he comes at us hard when he wants to do this.  I would say only one thing to you today:  Pay attention.  Watch for it.  Recognize the intensive when it begins to occur.  I even keep a journal sometimes, because God’s work in my life comes so hard and fast that I can barely keep up.  I journal because it’s amazing to have him so real and so caring to work in my life on such a one-on-one, personal level. 

Jesus says, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  (John 14:15  NIV) 

It is my experience, also, that if I perform well in an intensive he escalates them.  It seems like they’re coming more rapidly and with greater magnitude these days. 

It’s thrilling.  And horrifying. 

Are you in one of God’s intensive courses right now?  Get a notebook and make a list about what he’s teaching you in one subject. 

Then practice what you learn.

on the edge of living -part 2

Today I have my pout on.  I’m 43 years old, but I can scowl my eyes, pinch my lips together, and huff through my nose like the most obstinate 2-year-old. 

God stands in front of me, bent down eye-to-eye, telling me from his word exactly what he wants to do.   

And I do. not. want. to. do. it.   Hmmmmph. 

It’s something that I feel like a failure at.  Something that scares me.  Something I don’t think I can do. 

(Don’t you want to know what it is?  I’m not going to tell you.  Because if I say it out loud then I’m really going to have to do it.  Aaaaaggggghhhh!) 

Here I stand, on the very edge of obedience, wanting to go for it with all my heart but feeling overwhelmed and ignorant and afraid.  On the edge of living the life God wants me to live.  Experiencing a deep desire to obey because I love him but struggling with the difficulty of it. 

Like the broccoli I used to hide under my plate, hoping mom wouldn’t notice and then I could just offer to clear the table.  Like she couldn’t figure that one out.  Trying to hide this command from God and hoping he won’t notice I didn’t do it. 

“I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.”  (Psalm 119:60  NIV) 

God will not look away.  He just keeps staring me in the eyes and telling me what he wants me to do. 

To quote Winnie the Pooh, “Oh bother.” 

I’m just gonna have to do it.

Misery loves company.  Anyone else out there struggling to do what you know God is telling you to do?

on the edge of living

We live just a half an hour from a ski resort, and my husband often talked about how he wished our whole family could go skiing together.  I would remind him my only skill is reading books.  No one ever injures himself when reading a book.  I would shake my head and say no way, not me. 

But one December I had a brave moment and decided I would learn how to ski as a Christmas present to him.  I talked my cousin’s wife into giving me ski lessons, and we secretly loaded up on a week day and drove up the mountain.  I filled with fear as we drove higher, and all my bravado dissipated.  I came close, so close, to turning around and going home. 

Pulling up some courage, I kept going.  Made it through the ski rental process without passing out.  Shuffled my way from the rental house to the top of the bunny slope (which is much, much steeper than everyone makes it out to be).  And there I fought a battle with terror.  The tips of my skiis edged out over the slope, and I got to the place where one more scoot would have me sliding down hill to my certain death.  Death, I tell you. 

It’s quite a conversation you have with yourself before you decide to go for it.   

That’s where I am today.  Life edged out over a slope.  Because I know there’s something God wants me to do, and my bravado in wanting to obey him has brought me to a place where now I just have to make a decision to act.  The time for talk is over.  I’m scared to death. 

Scared to turn around and stay the same.  Scared to push forward and do something new and scary.  I heard Francis Chan say that being a disciple of Christ is not for cowards.  This is true. 

“I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.”  (Psalm 119:60  NIV)   

I will. 

I made it to the bottom of the hill that day.  Alive.  Many Saturdays of wonderful family skiing followed my courageous tip of the skiis. 

What command has God put in front of you that makes your stomach come up in your throat?  Will you do it?

a mandatory change of taste

I ate hundreds of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I was growing up –one of my favorite foods.   

Until one time I came down with a nasty head cold.  I made myself a PB&J, but it tasted horrible.  My stuffed up nose and inability to smell drastically changed how I experienced the taste of one of my favorite foods.  I ended up throwing the sandwich away. 

1 John 2:15 says, “Do not love the world or the things that belong to the world.” 

Well, I have loved the world.  Clothes.  Dessert.  House décor.  You name it –I have loved it. 

So quite a while ago I started praying that God would make these things taste like that PB&J.  Flat.  Unappealing.  Unsatisfying.  Disappointing.   

I find myself in Target looking at the cheerful colors of the spring dishes in the housewares section (always a weak spot for me).  For a brief moment that love for stuff of the world rises up within me.  It’s a strong lust of the eyes –a feeling that I could only be happy if I owned these.  But then comes the flat-PB&J feeling, an experience deep in my heart of knowing these things on the shelves have pretty colors but offer nothing to satisfy my soul.  In that moment Satan’s salesmanship crashes into God answering my PB&J prayer. 

“The world with its lust is passing away, but the one who does God’s will remains forever.”  (1 John 2:17) 

What do you love in the world, just absolutely love and feel like you have to have to be happy?  Take the PB&J prayer to it.

God in the periphery

It was subtle, the purposeful lifting of the guitar neck just slightly.   

The drummer was playing full energy.  Sticks flying.  Eyes on his drums.  But when the band leader lifted his guitar neck the drums came to a halt. 

There is the picture of how we live.  Full energy into the tasks in front of us.  Being who we are with all of our heart.  But always, with every beat, watching for God’s direction from the corner of our eye. 

It’s his song. 

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…”  (Hebrews 12:2)

the best kind of sermon

There are two kinds.

The first sermon is the one that makes me cringe because I hear from God’s word something I haven’t been doing.  It’s the kind that makes me feel awful and disappointed in myself.  It’s the kind that makes my shoulders sag and leaves me quiet and wondering what I can do to live in a manner that’s more worthy of what Christ has done for me. 

The second kind of sermon is the one that has me shaking my head up and down, saying, “That’s right, Preacher!”  It’s the kind where I hear from God’s word, and I do a little inward celebrating because I know I’ve been doing exactly what I should be doing.  The kind of sermon that makes me smile because I know I’ve pleased God. 

I like the second kind better.