deep loneliness

Last night I arrived at a huge party of friends and spent the first hour of it asking myself a question I’ve asked many times before, How is it possible to be surrounded by this many people and still feel this lonely? 

Please tell me you’ve felt this way before. 

You’re quiet, Matt said.  I couldn’t explain why.  Really good friends sitting to my right.  Really good friends sitting to my left.  But still this feeling of aloneness. 

Sometimes a good husband can’t fix it. 

Sometimes the best of friends can’t fix it. 

It’s this feeling of wishing for someone who knows me.  Knows how I’m feeling down deep.  Understands all the thoughts I’ve had all day.  Knows what would really make me happy in the moment, even though I don’t know even know what that would be. 

My soul turns to God. 

“How do you know me?” Nathanael asked.  Jesus answered, “I saw you…”  (John 1:48  NIV) 

There is a deep loneliness within me that can only be filled by the One who sees.  The One who knows. 

In the middle of a party, with good friends everywhere, the loneliness is a sweet invitation to come to Jesus. 

Where do you turn when loneliness hits?