sight unseen...continued

Why do children love pretending to be blind?

blind man’s bluff

pin the tail on the donkey
pinata breaking

My friend and I used to take turns –one with a blindfold and the other leading.  The game inevitably found me, the blindfolded one, walking into walls, tripping over toys, falling down steps.  I would say anxiously, Am I going to walk into anything?  Is there anything in front of me?  Do you promise you’ll tell me if there’s a step up or down?  Not a lot of trust in the leader and for good reason. 

Psalm 48:14 says, “For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide...”

But what kind of guide?

Sometimes I’m that kid again with the blindfold on.  God, will you let me trip?  Will you lead me part way and then get bored and leave me in the middle of nowhere?  Do you promise you’ll tell me if I need to make a step up or down?

On this day I slip my hand under his arm, but before we start walking I pause and squeeze his arm tight to make sure he's listening.  Okay, I’m trusting you.  

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."  Psalm 55:22

sight unseen

We loaded up from church camp one year and took a day trip to a hiking trail for the blind. 

The trail was smooth and easy, lined with a hand rail all the way.  Every so often the hand rail would stop at a point-of-interest sign.  In words for the seeing or by Braille, a hiker could read about something to experience with the senses at that point in the hike.  The sign would tell you to listen for something or to reach out and touch –moss or tree bark or stone.  As a child I closed my eyes and walked along the trail, trying to imagine what it would be like to experience the hike blind.

This year is full of things I know are coming, but I can’t see them.  My daughter’s graduation from high school.  The scholarship award ceremony where we hope she will receive bucket-loads of money to go to school.  Helping her find her first job this summer.  Taking her to the university in the fall.

Sometimes concussions of fear hit me in the chest, and I can’t breathe.  I stand still on the trail, and my foot reaches out.  What if…

What if…she gets no scholarships?

What if…she does gets scholarships and she leaves home?
What if…we steer her in the wrong direction?
What if…she’s miserable in college?

So easy to be afraid of what I can’t see.

I catch myself paralyzed on the trail, standing at the hand rail -knuckles white.   

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

It’s strange, this life where God wants us to step out boldly on a path we can’t see.  He wants us to move forward –one hand solid on the guide rail but feet stepping out with confidence.  Living.  Taking the risk to move into the unknown, completely trusting him to maneuver us along in the right direction.

I’m determined to accept my blindness.  I can’t see, so I will be dependent.  And I will learn to walk without constant fear.  Risking steps and trusting my heart to the Rail.     

two women and a VCR

Mom, do you remember the night the guys were gone, and we wanted to set the VCR to record a show? 

So we got out the instruction booklet.  I can’t remember –did you read and I pushed the buttons, or did I read and you pushed the buttons?

Step by step we followed the directions, and as we laboriously neared the end of the sequence we came to this instruction:

“But first…”

And I thought we would never stop laughing.  Did we ever get that show recorded?  I think we gave up.

I don’t know why that moment came to mind during church tonight, but I almost laughed out loud remembering it.  (That would have been bad, with my husband up there preaching and all.)

I catch myself doing that sequence all the time.  Step.  Step.  Step.  Step.  Step.  Step.  But first...

But first…I should have prayed.
But first…I should have asked God what he wanted me to do.
But first…I should have humbled my heart.

 Matthew 6:33.  “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness…”

 Maybe it’s really helpful to get things in the right order.

Sunday morning

I’ve been doing the same task every Sunday morning for 20 years.

dress pants

a shirt that goes

ironing board

I choose his clothes for church and make sure everything is neatly pressed.

“Brown or black shoes with these?” he asks.

Not because he’s lazy or incapable but because I love him.

“What color t-shirt underneath?” he asks.

“Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”  Proverbs 31:23.

He takes his place at church Sunday morning, this preacher husband of mine, and he looks good, if I do say so myself.

self control: inching forward

Pencil marks on the wall mark my son’s growth.  For two years in a row, every three months I gave away all of his pants and bought him new ones.  He went from hugging me and laying his head against my shoulder to hugging me and pulling my head against his chest.  I couldn’t see it happen as I watched him every day, but jeans don’t lie.  One inch at a time he became the one I call to reach for a dish from the high cupboard. 

Peter says we are to add self control to our faith, in “increasing measure” (2 Peter 1:5,6,8)

Pencil marks on the wall.

There is always a starting point of measurement. 

·        The weight on the scale.

·        The balance in the checkbook.

·        The temperature of relationships.

·        The spiritual habits.

·        The white glove across furniture.

·        The investment in hobbies.

·        The volunteer hours.

·        The work ethic.

I want to hug Peter and thank him for not giving a number on the ruler.  He didn’t say, “Add self control by the foot or by the yard or by the mile.” 

Just add it.

One mark at a time.  Millimeters count.

I open the door to my sons room, and behind his wall are the markings.  And I love them.  Love seeing him become a man. 

Open a door in your home, step behind it with a pencil, and mark where you are now.  Then, add a measure of self control, some tiny increments and some huge-gotta-buy-new-jeans-cause-mine-are-high-waters-now increments.